Projected
This Content Will Be Disturbing: Season 1 - Episode 8
People started calling me Thanara before I even knew who she was.
I remember hearing about the book when it came out. It had a cult following in a matter of weeks. I tried to get on the bandwagon and read it. I got a few chapters in and set it down. “Why does anyone read this crap?” I never picked it up again.
A few years later, the movie came out. In no time, all the stores were carrying the merch.
I’d been stopped a number of times. Going to work, going shopping, getting gas for the car, it was: “Oh my goodness, didn’t you play Thanara from that movie? You look just like her! Can I get a picture?” Sometimes they would ask for an autograph, or sometimes both.
The answer was always the same: No, no, and no.
The most awkward was when I was out on a date with a guy I met on the app. He sheepishly confessed that he had a huge crush on Thanara from the movie. “I have to admit, seeing your photo was definitely a huge motivator to swiping. Is it ok if I call you Thanara?”
I didn’t see him again after that.
It was starting to get exhausting. If I was going to be treated like a star and have my own mini paparazzi, could I also have the paycheck?
One day, after almost a month of sitting at my house alone, I decided that I needed to get out. I decided to get coffee in the local shop and relax and read a book.
I grabbed a book, drove down, and sighed when I saw how empty the shop was. I ordered my coffee and snuggled into one of the cozy red chairs in the corner.
I wish all my outside ventures could be this peaceful, I thought as I took a sip. The peace did not last long. A small group led by a mousy, short lady zeroed in on me as soon as she spotted me. To my surprise, they didn’t come up and talk to me. They instead ordered their coffees, sat on the opposite end of the shop, and kept looking at me, whispering.
After about half an hour and not comprehending anything I read, I decided my short reprieve was over. I finished my coffee and snapped my book close. I bent down to grab my things and jumped when I stood back up. The mousy brunette and her group were right behind me.
“So sorry, I hope we didn’t make you uncomfortable. I was just so struck with how much you resemble Thanara. You know, from the movie?”
“I sure do. It’s been defining my very existence for quite some time now. If you’d excuse me…” I said, trying to walk past them.
“We think that you would be perfect for a project that we are working on. It’s a more realistic version of Thanara, revealing the parts of the character that the film missed.” The brunette’s smile flattened. She shifted and I realized that she was holding a gun from under her jacket, and it was pointed at me.
I looked at the door. I could run but they would catch me. The barista was in the back room and wouldn’t hear me scream over the buzz of the ancient machines. I couldn’t fight all of them.
I followed them as they led me to a van. I eyed my car and wondered if I could get to my keys and set the alarm off. The brunette seemed to read my thoughts. She took my purse and phone.
“That’s not a very Thanara thing to do, now is it?” She said in a sing-song voice before she ushered me into the back of the van. The men strapped me into one of the seats.
I overheard her telling one of the men to follow the van in my car.
My blood ran thick and heavy. That was my only hope, that my car sitting there for days would be a clue that something had happened to me.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Quiet, Thanara,” one of the men said.
“My name isn’t Thanara!” I yelled.
No one replied to me. I tried to see any clue as to where we were going, but I was pointed at the back of the van and the side windows were blocked out.
It took us a long time to get to wherever we were going. When we got there, I was escorted to a house, and into a dark basement. They tied me to a chair with a single light bulb above my head.
I squinted, trying to find any information about my surroundings, but the overhead light was blinding. I watched a moth fly around the light, smacking the glass lightly, for what felt like hours.
Finally, the brunette walked down the stairs. She stopped in front of me, the shadows of the fluorescent light casting shadows into the hollow of her eyes and cheeks.
The hair on my arms stood up as I watched her.
“You are going to be the perfect Thanara. Even here, I can see it in you. It just needs to be refined.”
“You are all a bunch of sick freaks,” I spat. “Let me go and I will forget that this ever happened.”
“You will forget this has ever happened, for sure. When you are ready for your lines, let me know. No food or water until then.”
She left the light on.
I lasted maybe a day and a half - it was hard to tell time with the light on - until I started asking for my lines.
The brunette smiled and went through my lines. She gave me food and water after I recited them successfully. This continued for a week or so, and as I got more comfortable with my lines, she said that I needed to recite them for the group. “They are going to be so excited to see how much progress you have made!”
She took me upstairs to the group. They had put together a small stage, and everyone sat in front of it, applauding me as I took center stage. My legs shook, out of nerves and out of weakness. I had not stood a lot this week.
I gulped. I stared at the audience. I took a breath and recited my lines flawlessly. I received a standing ovation from the group.
My face burned hot and I pushed my hair behind my ear.
“I think she might be ready for more of the critical work, Mandy.” I overheard one of the men tell the brunette. I filed her name away in my memory.
“I agree. She’s coming along much quicker than I expected.”
“But, will she focus on development on how the film portrayed her growth, or the book?” someone else asked her.
“The book, clearly,” Mandy scoffed. “It is the source material for all else. It would be foolish to use the film.”
“I disagree,” the man said. “The film does accelerate her growth, but we are looking for a finished Thanara, not a work-in-progress Thanara. She needs to be ready.”
“I want a solid Thanara,” Mandy said. “I’m aware she needs to be finished. But, I’m the director, and this is not open for discussion.”
Mandy did have her way. She asked me to read the book, and I read it in a day.
“Excellent work, Thanara. For your homework this week, I want you to read it once each day.”
I nodded. With each re-read I picked up new things I had missed previously. I was starting to understand why so many people loved the story so much. I was a hero, a hero of the people. People really needed that these days.
I lost track of how long I had been with Mandy and the crew. Maybe a month, if I had to guess. I didn’t really have much down time to think about it. I stayed pretty busy. I had a hectic rehearsal schedule, nightly performances, and method-acting classes where I would live as Thanara for a period of time. Each day, the time got longer, but it also got easier.
I wasn’t sure when, but I began looking forward to that time.
“You are much more likable this way,” Mandy said one day, after a stretch of the method acting. She stroked my hair. “So beautiful, so noble. So heroic.”
I paused for a moment. My mind traced back to my life before, but it was almost like a run of fuzzy, disjointed scenes that ran together.
“The boys are all acting so much better now that they have you to look up to. You have really saved them, Thanara.”
I smiled.
“What was your name before?” Mandy whispered.
I thought for a moment. I opened my mouth.
Nothing came out.
Silence.
The audience applauded. I didn’t even realize they had been watching.
“Perfect,” Mandy said.
This was Episode Eight of This Content Will Be Disturbing.
New episodes are released weekly.
